In the first of many WWNN instances (wink-wink-nudge-nudge), Nicholas Cage plays Edward Malus, a cop who has recently turned damaged goods due to his inability to save a life from a horrific crash. Enter a letter from an old flame, Willow, pleading for his help to find her daughter who’s been missing. In order to do that, Malus has to fly to a privately owned strip called the SummerIsle, where he gradually learns that women are the boss on the isle and men are treated more or less like beasts of labour.

His efforts at locating the girl, who may or may not be dead, turns into frustration as he is calmly refused any information or lied to by the natives who look down upon the stranger and his gender. They are also into some really ancient pagan religion that celebrates the Earth Goddess. Eventually, everything leads to a “shocking” climax.

Neil LaBute (of “In the Company Of Men”, “Nurse Betty” and “The Shape of Things” fame) seemed like an odd choice for a remake - normally, odd is good and with a producer and actor in Cage, things couldn’t have sounded better. Plus, Labute excels at dark material and characters. But here, all LaBute seems interested in are the exotic locales, and portraying women as thoroughly dislikeable (I am sensing a misogynistic mind here). He also exhibits impotency in areas where eerieness, dread and shocks are required to make for an effective chiller.

Nicholas Cage tries very sincerely, but in vain, to infuse his hollow character with some depth, and is unable to erase Edward Woodward’s portrayal from a loyalist’s head. Ellen Burstyn taking over from Christopher Lee in the original, goes dykey with her Sister Summer Isle, and seems like in serious need of rehab. Kate Beahan, LeeLee Sobeiski, Molly Parker and others comprising a major female-cast are thoroughly irritating in their respective roles. And let’s face it, Sobieski is no Brit Eckland, with or without a PG-13 rating. The only one who seems to have survived any dignity is Frances Conroy (mother from telly’s “Six Feet Under”), who plays the resident doctor, and the official photographer, Dr. Moss.

James Franco, Jason Ritter and a blink-and-you-miss Aaron Eckhart show up in cameos.

The only life “The Wicker Man” is assured of, is at the video shelves as a comparative oddity. Others, stick to the 1973 cult fave. I have my own personal copy, and am going back to it to erase the bitter after taste of LaBute’s offering.

DURATION: 103 Mins.
MPAA RATING: PG-13 for disturbing images and violence, language and thematic issues.
CAST: Nicholas Cage, Kate Beahan, Ellen Burstyn
DIRECTOR: Neil La Bute